Livy was as quiet as a mouse,her face a white as a ghost,she was scared,very scared…
It all started when she was walking to school,like always she took her short cut through the bush.Looking up to try and spot birds nests, she stumbled. She was confused to find a huge yellow egg on the dry,dusty path! Livy looked up to try and find the nest it could of came from.
Suddenly the ground shook like an earthquake, a voice spoke “Today as the door slammed I knew you have the same fate as I.”
Hey! Great story. I think you structured it really well for maximum impact. Also remember to proof read- one small thing "as white as a ghost" you put a instead of as. Just small stuff. Well done.
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