Saturday, May 6, 2017

The Slime by Victor

Once I went for a walk and I fell into a hole.there was some slime .The slime dripped through a pipe and melted it.More of it dripped down.  I ran but couldn't find the hole I fell down. I thought this was my end.But someone grabbed me and threw out .It hurt but it was worth it .I got worried . the slime kept on spreading .I kept on running .The slime kept on spreading.then the person who saved me threw a bomb at it the slime all disappeared. I was very happy .the person he went back to his house.
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1 comment:

  1. AnonymousMay 6, 2017 at 2:46 PM

    I'm glad your character was saved by a mysterious stranger. I can see there is scope here for more stories about either the slime or the stranger. You have used some strong verbs to add detail. Next time think about your sentences. I think you could have used some different punctuation and made longer sentences with connecting words that show more control. Like this: instead of 'I got worried . the slime kept on spreading.' try 'I got worried because the slime kept on spreading.'

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